I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
