how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
