Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize