Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
