I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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