either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
