It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
