dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
