FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
