Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize