I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
