she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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