You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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