Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
