Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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