I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
