If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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