im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
