FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
