Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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