If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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