Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
