I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
wow bdsm is so cute
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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