You made me cry and you don't even care
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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