my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
