My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
