I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
