Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
