FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
