i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
