Me too!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just googled if crying burns calories
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize