i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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