why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
