Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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