hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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