Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
