Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
