I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
