we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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