so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
