I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize