we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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