Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
