do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
