you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
