Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize