i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
