U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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