Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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