woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
