I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize