I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
