My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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