Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i need some magic done to my vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
