How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
