went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
