You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
