if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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