i don't like sucking hair
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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