Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
