theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
