The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
