Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize