Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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