Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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