Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
