im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
