she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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