I wannas sexs uuuuu
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
