Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
