I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize