This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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