ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
