found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
