She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
