I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
