**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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