you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
