I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
