My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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