wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
