You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
