hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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