Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize