You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
