I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
