I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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