Sponge bath it is.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
