It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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