I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize