he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
