Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
