hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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