I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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