so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize