I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
