a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
