I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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