Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
