I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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