A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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