i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
