I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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