I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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