if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
