just tell him i said nine months
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
