I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize