I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
