you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize