i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
