so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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