is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
