It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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