Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
