All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize