And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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