i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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