Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
