remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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