I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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